It’s 1:53 am and I just had an anxiety attack.
What triggered it? A dream where I was drowning in a river, literally, trying to hold on to a door of a building, while trying to get in.
I don’t even live close to a lake or river or any body of water for this to make sense. I actually have developed a fear of large bodies of water because of dreams like this. At least the shark wasn’t involved, this time.
I still remember my first anxiety attack. I lost a piece of jewelery and that triggered it. I remember sitting on the ground, leaning against the fridge, with my head in my hands and not being able to catch my breathe, heart racing. I remember my family, doing whatever in the kitchen, yelling at me to get off the floor. I have had one at work.
What does this dream mean? I’ve looked up dream interpretation, here it what I found:
“If the river is tumultuous and fast flowing, this may be a sign that things are moving too quickly in your life and there is a need to slow down so that you can gain control.”
I hate not having control of my life. I do feeling like I’m drowning some days.
My heart is still racing a bit.
My anxiety is usually hand-in-hand with my depression, I will revisit this topic another time.
I know I’m stretching myself thin these days; I’ve been asked recently to take on my daughter’s 4-H group as a leader, on top of a list of things I’m currently trying to develop and grow.
I love my new projects, but I think I took too much on too close together.
Let me get this part out~ I take medication for anxiety when I need it. I have taken and tried different medications for my anxiety and depression. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, which does and can contribute to both symptoms. I have been to a therapist who said I had two traumatic events in my life, both of which I had no control over, that lead to both symptoms.
Let me end on this note (it’s 2:29 am and I have had insomnia in the past that has lasted for weeks at a time so I don’t want to be up longer than what my body and mind needs) if at anytime time you feel like your drowning or the winter/baby blues are not going away, ask for help. It’s okay if you have to take medication, I do. It’s okay, because for me, it’s not okay that I have an attack over a dream, or a piece of jewelery, because I can’t remember if I unplugged my straightener, or not remembering if it’s our snack week.
So good night or good morning and let’s hope I swim out of this soon.
*I write based on my experience alone. I am in no way a therapist or a counselor. Please seek medication help if symptoms start having a lasting effect on your daily living.*