Anxiety

It’s 1:53 am and I just had an anxiety attack. 

What triggered it? A dream where I was drowning in a river, literally, trying to hold on to a door of a building, while trying to get in. 

I don’t even live close to a lake or river or any body of water for this to make sense. I actually have developed a fear of large bodies of water because of dreams like this. At least the shark wasn’t involved, this time. 

I still remember my first anxiety attack. I lost a piece of jewelery and that triggered it. I remember sitting on the ground, leaning against the fridge, with my head in my hands and not being able to catch my breathe, heart racing. I remember my family, doing whatever in the kitchen, yelling at me to get off the floor. I have had one at work. 

What does this dream mean? I’ve looked up dream interpretation, here it what I found:

“If the river is tumultuous and fast flowing, this may be a sign that things are moving too quickly in your life and there is a need to slow down so that you can gain control.”

http://psychiclibrary.com/beyondBooks/water-dreams/

I hate not having control of my life. I do feeling like I’m drowning some days.

My heart is still racing a bit.

My anxiety is usually hand-in-hand with my depression, I will revisit this topic another time.

I know I’m stretching myself thin these days; I’ve been asked recently to take on my daughter’s 4-H group as a leader, on top of a list of things I’m currently trying to develop and grow. 

I love my new projects, but I think I took too much on too close together. 

Let me get this part out~ I take medication for anxiety when I need it. I have taken and tried different medications for my anxiety and depression. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, which does and can contribute to both symptoms. I have been to a therapist who said I had two traumatic events in my life, both of which I had no control over, that lead to both symptoms.  

Let me end on this note (it’s 2:29 am and I have had insomnia in the past that has lasted for weeks at a time so I don’t want to be up longer than what my body and mind needs) if at anytime time you feel like your drowning or the winter/baby blues are not going away, ask for help. It’s okay if you have to take medication, I do. It’s okay, because for me, it’s not okay that I have an attack over a dream, or a piece of jewelery, because I can’t remember if I unplugged my straightener, or not remembering if it’s our snack week. 

So good night or good morning and let’s hope I swim out of this soon. 

*I write based on my experience alone. I am in no way a therapist or a counselor. Please seek medication help if symptoms start having a lasting effect on your daily living.*

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One thought on “Anxiety

  1. Your post i can relate to. Dig deep Never give up on your dreams, it’s never to late to achieve, it’s never to late to start living the life you want to live.

    Like

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